


Regrets

by reigningqueenofwords



Series: I'm sorry [9]
Category: Avengers, Marvel
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:49:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28491174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Relationships: sam x reader
Series: I'm sorry [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040133
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Regrets

David was in his highchair while Owen was in his booster and you made yourself some toast when FRIDAY spoke up. “There is someone here to see you, Mrs. Wilson.” 

You furrowed your brows. Your family were off on the mission, so you couldn’t think of anyone else that would be there. “Who is it?” You asked, putting your toast on a plate to butter. 

“I am unsure if my system is recognizing this individual correctly.” She said. 

That worried you. Despite Tony no longer around, FRIDAY did not have issues. “What do you mean?” You asked, confused. “Can you ask them who they are?”

“They are claiming to be Captain Rogers.” She spoke. “His clearance was never taken away.” 

You dropped the butter knife you were holding. “Are you saying there’s some old guy here claiming to be Steve?” You asked, your heart racing as you pulled your phone out of your pocket. 

“No, Mrs. Wilson. He is not elderly.” She stated. “I will pull up the camera feed.” The nearest screen lit up. The image of Steve standing there, made your breath catch. “Shit.” You muttered. 

“Shit.” Owen giggled hysterically as you stared at Steve looking around.

You rubbed your face and quickly found your phone. You began texting Sam quickly.  _ Um. I don’t know what to do. Are you free? _

“Hello?” Steve’s voice made you jump.

You turned to the entryway and stared at him. “Is it really you?” You managed, trying not to let your voice crack. You never in a million years would have imagined seeing him again. 

He nodded, giving you a sad smile. “It’s me, doll.” 

“Don’t call me that.” You clenched your jaw. 

“Mommy. More milk?” Owen waved his sippy at you.

Steve finally looked from you to the young boy. “Mommy?” He breathed, eyes then going to the infant. 

You sighed, going to get it. “Yeah, mommy.” You kissed the top of his head. “Do you want chocolate this time?” You asked, earning an excited nod. “You got it, buddy.” You looked at David who was mashing his bananas in his little hands. Focusing on your babies helped fight the stress you were feeling. 

Owen looked at Steve as he stared at him. Your son offered a bright smile. “Hi.” He waved. He couldn’t tell there was an awkwardness in the air. He just knew it was a new person. “I’m Owen.”

Steve’s mouth felt dry. “Hi, Owen. I’m Steve.” He said softly. “Is that your brother?” He asked. 

You bit your cheek, knowing he was asking Owen instead of asking you for information. You focused on getting Owen his milk while listening. “Yeah. That’s David!” He said excitedly. “He’s a baby.”

“He is.” Steve nodded, slowly coming over. He desperately wanted to ask Owen who his dad was. “How old is Owen?” He asked you. 

“He’s four.” You told him, screwing the cap on his little sippy. “Here you go.” You walked over, putting it in front of him. “After breakfast we’ll go hang out in the playroom until nap time, okay?”

Owen nodded. “Can Steve play?” He loved making friends so it was no surprise he asked. 

You licked your lips. “I’m sure Steve has other things to do, baby. He should go back home. To his own family.” You said in a soft voice but it stung Steve with guilt. 

Steve shoved his hands in his pockets. “Actually, this is my home. I’m back for good.” He told you, not missing how you tensed up at that.

You fought hard to keep it together. “What do you mean you’re back for good?” You looked at him. 

“Captain America is back.” He told you. “Are the others on a mission?” 

Swallowing, you nodded. “Yeah.” You told him, pulling up your texts again.  _ Text me ASAP, please. _ You sent Sam. “I’m guessing they’re busy.”

Steve nodded. “I figured. FRIDAY told me only you were here. I was happy to know you were doing okay enough to still be here.” He took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry.” 

Now that Owen’s attention was back on his breakfast, you went to work on yours. You needed to eat at least something. “I almost didn’t come back.” You told him honestly. “Bucky’s why I did.” You shrugged, taking a bite of your toast.

He watched you. “I’m glad he was there for you.” He hung his head. “I regret leaving.” 

You focused on your phone screen, typing out another message.  _ Not to worry you but please call or text soon.  _ You suddenly wished that Sam was home, and that you weren’t stuck alone dealing with this. Pulling up Bucky’s text, you hoped maybe he’d see it.  _ Have Sam text me, please. _ You sighed as you sent it. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Steve.” You said bluntly. “I don’t know what you expect from me.” You shook your head. “You left, with no warning. After years. I’m married with two kids.” There was no way you’d tell him about the baby before your family. “I’m sorry that it didn’t work out with Peggy. That doesn’t mean you get to choose to come back and think everything will go back to normal. As far as I’m concerned, I accepted I’d never see or talk to you again.” Honestly, you were wishing that’s how things would have gone.

He swallowed back tears, knowing he deserved this. “I made the worst mistake possible. I know that. It was a quick decision and I’m sorry.” He eyed David and then Owen again. “Who...who are you married to?” He feared the answer.

It was very hard not to roll your eyes at him- it was pretty obvious. “I married Sam.” You couldn’t help but smile slightly when talking about your husband. Your eyes went to your boys. “He’s the best father.”

Steve nodded slowly. “I couldn’t help but notice Owen.” 

“Me!” Owen smiled. “I’m Owen.” He wiggled. 

You chuckled. “Yeah, that’s you.” You smiled at him. “Finish your breakfast.” You pointed. “And I’ll clean up your brother. We’ll talk when they nap.” You told Steve. 

“Alright.” He nodded. “Can I help with anything?” 

“No, thanks.” You said simply. 

Steve nodded and sat down, watching you with a broken look. He felt awful. He watched as you wiped down David, lifting from his high chair after. Owen hopped down when you pulled his chair out for him before tugging on Steve’s hand. “Come play! Daddy got me a cool playhouse. Come see.”

Steve smiled and nodded. “Sure, pal. If it’s alright with your mom.” 

“Please, mommy?” Owen gave you a look that honestly reminded you of Steve. 

“Sure.” You caved. “But no fighting at nap time, deal?”

“Yeah! Promise!” He smiled and tugged Steve to the play area. “See?” He pointed to the little playhouse. He ran into it, then back out holding a Falcon stuffy that was nearly as tall as him. “Uncle Bucky got me this!” He bounced.

“Wow.” Steve smiled widely. “That’s super cool.” He crouched.

You sat with David nearby on the floor to play with some of his toys. Snapping a picture of him, you sent it to Sam.  _ Sam. Steve’s here. Please text me. _

* * *

Sam finally got your texts that night, his stomach in knots with each one. “We gotta get back.” He told the others. “Sleep on the damn plane.” 

Bucky was quick to respond, gathering his things. “What happened? She told me to tell you to text her? Is it the boys?” 

“Steve’s back.” He said seriously. “Her texts were basically her freaking out for me to text her.” He was texting you they would be home by morning. 

“What?” Bucky paled. 

Wanda and Clint looked at each other. “Fuck.” Clint mumbled. “Yeah, let’s go.” They all rushed to get their stuff together. None of them would have expected that. 

* * *

Both boys were in bed when Sam texted you. You felt a bit of relief that they were on their way home. Pulling out some ice cream, you wondered if Bucky had finished the peanut butter again. Steve was still lurking and you knew you needed something sweet to get you through it. And you’d have to scold Bucky if he had eaten it and didn’t replace it. Putting the ice cream on the counter, you went to get a bowl, the peanut butter, and a spoon. “Oh, marshmallows.” You smiled as you saw them near the peanut butter. “Again?” You muttered to yourself. 

Steve was quick, a bit too quick, to come and help you get them down. “Here.” He handed them to you. 

“Oh, uh, thanks?” You looked down and began making your dish. “Want any?” You offered. 

He shook his head. “I’m fine.” He leaned against the counter, raising an eyebrow as you dumped a bunch of marshmallows on the top. “Hear from them yet?” 

Chewing on your lip, you nodded. “Yeah, they’ll be home by morning.”

He nodded, knowing he’d be getting an earful from the guys. “So, we can talk now?” He asked, hopeful. 

“You have until I am done...this.” You held up your bowl. 

He stammered a bit. “Did...did I leave you pregnant?” He started with the obvious question. 

“Leading with the question that really shouldn’t need answering.” You pointed out. “Owen really doesn’t look like me, and he looks nothing like Sam.”

He had figured. “I’m sorry.” He felt like he’d be sick. “Did you know? When I didn’t come back?” 

You were eating a bite and shook your head. “No. Found out like two weeks after I came back.” You said honestly. “Icing on the cake. I love Owen but he was a reminder that you left.” You said honestly. “He has your same personality.” Setting your bowl down, you moved to sit on the counter. “And he’s clearly your clone.” 

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. “I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked. “I never would have left if I knew…” 

“Stop.” You said simply. “Just. Stop.” You had your bowl on your lap and you were pushing around the ice cream with a spoon. “We were together for like, what? 7 years? And I was so easily pushed aside. So don’t with that shit. I wasn’t what, or who, you wanted.” You shook your head. “You would’ve stayed and what? Resented me? Resented him? You’re only back because it didn’t work out like you wanted.” You snapped, clearly angry. 

He looked at you tearfully. “I know I don’t deserve anything.” That was very obvious. “But I’m here. And I want to try.” 

You took a bite of ice cream to keep yourself from yelling at him. You took a few deep breaths. “There’s nothing you could possibly help with.” Your boys were taken care of, and you had no desires to even be near Steve.

“I want to show you how sorry I am.” He tried. 

“You can’t!” You told him. “There’s no ‘I’m sorry’ for going back in time to leave your girlfriend for some woman you had the hots for decades ago.” You hopped off the counter. “And then coming back years later? Why? Why the hell would you think coming back would work well? Did you think I’d welcome you with open arms?” 

He wiped his cheeks. “No, of course not. I just hoped for a chance.” He told you. 

It wasn’t missed that he couldn’t even answer why. “Well, all I can say is...and I’m not usually the one to swear...but…’good fucking luck with the team’.” You set the bowl down. “This is nothing compared to when you see them. Especially Bucky and Sam.” 

Steve hung his head. “I missed you so much.” He said quietly. “I missed you every day. Every night I regretted my decision.” He told you. He was being completely honest. 

“And, every day I wondered what the hell I did wrong.” You countered. “And then I gave birth to a small version of you. I broke down the first time Owen called Sam ‘daddy’ because the first thing I thought of was being left again, because clearly I’m so easy to leave behind. I’m lucky that he’s spent every day showing me otherwise.”

“You didn’t do anything.” He tried. “It wasn’t you. I was an idiot. I wish I could’ve come sooner but it didn’t work out that way.” He was crying at a steady pace. “I’m glad Sam has been here for you, I really am.” 

“Yeah, you’re an idiot.” You agreed. “And I’m going to bed. I’ve had a long day, David gets up about 7, and Owen is up by 8.” You just hoped to hell you got some sleep. “I don’t know where we go from here and I really am done now.” You set your sink in the bowl. “I’m sure FRIDAY can help you get to the guest room.” You were doing your best to remain calm as you walked out, heading towards your room. The second you could be alone, you let yourself breakdown. Your chest hurt, and you just wanted your husband home. 

Steve watched you go, feeling frozen in place. He didn’t know how to feel. He was heartbroken but knew he deserved it. His son didn’t know who he was, and he felt like you hated him. From how you spoke, so did everyone else- including his once best friend. “You’re a damn, idiot.” He told himself. He gave up a chance with you. A chance to have a family. Now Sam lived that life and he had no right to be mad at anyone. And you were right- you’d been together for a long time. He’d never even thought about getting married or having a family. Looking back, he realized he should have. He blindly strung you along while he fought as a superhero. He thought by going back that it was better. He was so wrong. He regretted it more than anything. 


End file.
